When to Keep or Replace Family Traditions

Family traditions are a beloved part of our holiday celebrations.

Until they aren't anymore.

Just because your family has been doing something for years doesn't mean you should keep doing it forever. As your family changes, your traditions need to change and adapt as well. Otherwise, you risk making your holidays more frustrating than festive.

Here are three signs that it might be time to retire or update old family traditions and start making new memories that will add to everyone's life this holiday season.

1. Let's be honest ... No one likes this.

The rendang from great-great nenek’s recipe that everyone takes a bit of, but never finishes. The Raya card game that always ends in a heated argument. The long, sweaty drive back to the kampung with six people squeezed into the backseat. The borderline inappropriate jokes from that one uncle that make half the room go quiet.

Maybe once, these moments felt fresh — heartfelt ways to honour family or reconnect with the past. Maybe the people who started them truly loved those traditions. But if they no longer bring warmth or joy to everyone involved, they might not be building the kind of togetherness we hope for during the holidays. And when we keep doing things just because "that’s how it’s always been," we’re not preserving tradition — we’re carrying a burden. It might feel uncomfortable, but starting the conversation about letting some traditions go could bring more comfort than conflict.

2. It's just too hard.

Thanksgiving dinner at grandma's house has been a family tradition for years. Grandma is a fantastic cook, and she prides herself on planning out the meal, buying all the ingredients, and making every dish from scratch. No one else is allowed near the kitchen -- that's part of the magic.

But grandma isn't as young as she used to be. Preparing to host multiple generations of her family and fill an expanding dinner table gets a little more stressful and a little harder every year. And by the time she's pouring coffee and cutting pie, grandma is too tired to spend time enjoying her family's company.

This could be the year that everyone chips in for a catered holiday meal so grandma can relax with everyone else. And if any of your other rituals around wrapping presents, decorating, or baking cookies no longer fit in with your holiday schedule, don't feel bad about cutting a few corners, calling in some extra help, or even paying someone else to do the work. The time you save will be more time you'll have to share with your loved ones, which might lead to new holiday traditions.

3. Not everyone feels included.

As your family grows, it will become more diverse -- generationally, culturally, racially, religiously. It's unrealistic to expect every tradition to mean the same thing to every person. But family gatherings that are inclusive and welcoming also tend to be the warmest and least contentious.

Maybe instead of ending some traditions, your family should consider making room for new ones that honor every branch of your tree. Ask children, teens, and new family members about activities that they'd like to see incorporated into your holiday celebrations. You could also start an annual charitable initiative that everyone can get behind, such as supporting your local food bank or contributing to a holiday toy drive. And letting a few new faces into the kitchen could liven up the menu at your family gatherings throughout the year.

One “tradition” many folks would love to get rid of is stressing about money during the holidays. Our Life-Centered Planning process can help you create a holiday spending plan that fits with the rest of your financial goals. Get in touch and let’s schedule an annual review meeting.